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Minimizing the Traumas of Divorce for our Children

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Minimizing the Traumas of Divorce for our Children

Many parents visit this site for free samples for Moms/Parent and freebies for kids, but this article will help any parent to minimize the traumas of divorce for their children. Considering that around 50% of marriages in the U.S. end in divorce, we figured this subject matter will prove to be useful for some of us that are struggling through this transitional period of our life.

Being caught in the middle of a parents' divorce can make children feel torn in two. The security of their daily lives is being swept away, and the adults who they're used to turning to for support and comforting are oftentimes too caught up in their own emotional dramas to be attentive and responsive enough. Worse still, kids might suddenly find themselves being fought over, like possessions, by the two people whom, they'd believed, loved them the most.

There can be so much bitterness and hurt in the aftermath of a divorce that both partners desire no further contact with each other. But if they have children between them then they must realize that the young ones desperately want both of their mom and dad in their lives. So what can we, as recently divorced parents, do to provide our kids with as much security and comfort as we can amidst our new circumstances?

To begin with, we should refrain from venting our personal frustrations with our former spouses in front of the children. Most kids identify with both of their parents. They see the best in them - though they may not always show it. Also, they derive a lot of their own feelings of self-worth from the esteem in which they hold their parents. Demeaning or insulting a child's mother or father can be equivalent to putting down the child.

We should strive, also, to at least reach agreements with our former spouses regarding what is best for our kids. Shifting between new households can put a lot of strain on them. They will feel more secure if they know that the rules and boundaries that apply in one home still hold true in the other. This pattern of consistency will assure them that life can continue on in a stable manner. Also they will feel relieved to know that they are still a high priority for both of their parents. Though former spouses may be holding on to a lot of resentments towards each other, they should still be able to communicate and reach agreements on such practical considerations as bedtimes, schooling, diet, and social and extra-curricular activities for their children.

Finally, if we move on from a marriage that has disintegrated and into a new relationship, we should try to be considerate of the feelings of our former spouse. Children should also be introduced gently into the idea that one or both of their parents have started dating again. During this transitional time, a foremost concern of theirs may be whether or not they are still a vital priority. This is a moment when we should reaffirm our love and concern for them and demonstrate it with quality one-on-one time whenever possible. In time they will come to realize that, though many circumstances have changed, their bond with their parents is as strong as it ever was.

Though divorce can have devastating consequences for children, who suddenly find their home life ruptured, there are steps we can take to make them feel as secure as possible during this difficult transition. They will feel more at ease if their parents are able to cooperate and set healthy boundaries that are consistent in both households. Above all else, they will be relieved to know that the unfortunate separation that occurred between their mom and dad has not compromised the degree to which they are still loved.

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